All Things In Moderation

…….. and moderation in all things .

Overwhelmed !

Posted by Susan on May 21, 2009

Tomorrow is casual Friday at work . My goal jeans fit me , so I was excited to finally wear jeans to work ! I stopped after work to look for a top of some sort to wear with my new jeans. I was completely overwhelmed !

I haven’t bought clothes in a comfortable size in over 8 years . The only things I bought back then were shoes, handbags, and a few tops to camouflage my fat butt, thighs and stomach. I was could not wait to buy something new without getting upset that nothing looked right !

I get to the store and look through the racks. There are a lot of things , tons of things………..but at the same time absolutely NOTHING! I have no idea what my style is , what I like, or what looks good on me. My ever-patient husband was no help. He tried but he is just as clueless as I am ! I didn’t find anything that I even liked ! I went home and decided to try some of the few tops that I saved from the big clean out I did a month ago.

I found that I don’t even have a bra that fits now ! I wear sport bras to work under my scrubs, and only wear a real bra when I am going out somewhere. I have’t done anything in months and haven’t had a need to wear one. They are all EMPTY ! I now need all new bras on top of a new wordrobe !

I am so disappointed ! I thought buying new clothes would be the fun part. I wasn’t expecting to feel stressed about it. My sister tried to convince me that it was the store , not me that was the problem. She may be right , but I still feel hopeless. I don’t know where to start with this new wordrobe thing ! Next time I shop I will take her with me. I still wear “fat goggles” as my husband calls it ! I still see the fat chick who looks like crap in everything she puts on. I didn’t even have the guts to try on the things I found that were so-so.

I did find a bra that fit alright (not perfect, but a bit better) and tried on a few of the tops I have that still fit. They looked ok, but nothing I was excited about. I guess I will see how I feel in the morning.

I think the bottom line is , that I am scared ! I fear wearing my real clothes and not hiding in the scubs. I am afraid that people will judge me. Isn’t that messed up? I worked my butt off to lose (up to todays date 29 lbs. in 2009) weight , and I am proud of it. I am so afraid that it isn’t enough. That I still look fat. I know I should step out of my comfort zone and do it, but I am not sure that I can !

I guess I need to sleep on it . Maybe in the light of a new day I will have gained the courage to just do it……………….and maybe not.

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2 Responses to “Overwhelmed !”

  1. syl said

    Susan,
    I could of wrote this. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. you and I are in the same place.
    A few months ago my husband bought me a gift certificate for a store that played “hip hop” music! I was MORTIFIED!
    I went in there and bought 3 pairs of low rise jeans and I have never looked back. I thought only “super skinny women” could wear those but boy was I wrong. I will never wear a normal pair of jeans again, they just dont work for me. I feel so much better in those ones (although now they are to big 😦
    Be patient and try things on that you would normally not chose for yourself, like maybe a different color.
    I also found that buying new bras and underwear really helped get things started in the new wardrobe department.
    There is nothing better than wearing a bra that fits properly.
    If you can find a family member to take with you that’s great. I also find that if you can find the right sales associate, they are a great help too, because they don’t know you persay and are just trying to get you into something that looks good.
    It’s ok to feel this way Susan, I do too, but sometimes I just say “I’ve worked really hard and I deserve this”
    Good luck to you tomorrow, we already know you look fantastic in your jeans.

  2. Sal said

    Susan,

    Really feel for you. I know you’ll get your head round this – you’ve done the hard part surely? Now enjoy it.

    While I’m definatley no style expert why don’t you try …
    a personal shopper, I know here in the UK most stores offer the service for free – obviously to get you to spend
    look in magazines and on the internet – who’s style do you like? Maybe copy for a couple of outfits for a while till you get your head round what you like and how you want to rock it.
    I don’t know if you get him in the US but can I sing the praises of Gok Wang he’s and English stylist on UK TV watch him if he’s over there he’s brilliant with all things clothes and get women like no one else i know.
    why not start with the basics first till you get into your knew skin. Look for the PERFECT pair of jeans, the PERFECT little black dress, the PERFECT mac and that – and take a digital camera with you – so much better than mirrors.

    From the picture on your blog – you’ll look amazing in anything – but get that it’s about head. Well Done for getting this far. Don’t hide it under illfitting clothes any longer. GET SHOPPING BIRD!!!

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