All Things In Moderation

…….. and moderation in all things .

Archive for May, 2009

Today was the day !

Posted by Susan on May 22, 2009

I know this is going to sound completely insane , but I agonized much of last night about this whole Casual Friday thing at work, all night last night ! I mean I tried on clothes , tried them on again , and tried them on yet AGAIN before going to sleep ! Crazy right? I’d pretty much decided that I was not ready for my “big reveal” at work quite yet and I would wait on it for now.

This morning while I was on the treadmill doing my interval training I said to myself……Oh what the heck ! Just do it ! What is the worst that can happen?????? Well, I’d already had the worst happen……8 years ago I wore jeans to work and was told by one of my co-workers I looked alot bigger in jeans than she thought I would ! Nothing could compare to that horror show !

So I got dressed in my jeans (goal jeans that is), and wore a simple t-shirt, ( we were having a Memorial Day picnic today) and sneakers and just got in the car and went ! Ok well, I was sweating on the way, stomach in knots, almost afraid to get out of the car , but I did it anyway !

I walked in and one of the night nurses on duty said to me……wow you are skinny ! That set the tone for the entire day ! People noticed and complimented, congratulated, and some even asked me what I did to lose the weight. When you wear big baggy srcubs everyday, no one can really tell what your body looks like under them. It felt good to be able to say I worked really hard for it ! Because I did !

In my head I know that I don’t need any validation for the hard work I’ve done , but I won’t lie ! It felt great to have it anyway ! It may have been silly to be so nervous about showing off all my hard work and effort , but sometimes I wonder if my eyes really see what is there. I was so afraid that I didn’t look like I thought I did and that I would look foolish !

It was a nice day for me. It helps keep me motivated , and I think I may have helped inspire some people along the way. Some of my co-workers expressed an interest in getting into working out , watching portion sizes, and counting calories. That would be pretty neat to be able to make a difference in someone’s life , I think !

So, needless to say ,I accomplished one of my (silly) goals of finally wearing jeans to work on casual Friday ! And I faced a fear . As stupid as it may sound, I was really scared this morning ! I am glad I didn’t give in to it and took a risk !

Posted in diet, fear, risk, skinny jeans, weight loss | 2 Comments »

Overwhelmed !

Posted by Susan on May 21, 2009

Tomorrow is casual Friday at work . My goal jeans fit me , so I was excited to finally wear jeans to work ! I stopped after work to look for a top of some sort to wear with my new jeans. I was completely overwhelmed !

I haven’t bought clothes in a comfortable size in over 8 years . The only things I bought back then were shoes, handbags, and a few tops to camouflage my fat butt, thighs and stomach. I was could not wait to buy something new without getting upset that nothing looked right !

I get to the store and look through the racks. There are a lot of things , tons of things………..but at the same time absolutely NOTHING! I have no idea what my style is , what I like, or what looks good on me. My ever-patient husband was no help. He tried but he is just as clueless as I am ! I didn’t find anything that I even liked ! I went home and decided to try some of the few tops that I saved from the big clean out I did a month ago.

I found that I don’t even have a bra that fits now ! I wear sport bras to work under my scrubs, and only wear a real bra when I am going out somewhere. I have’t done anything in months and haven’t had a need to wear one. They are all EMPTY ! I now need all new bras on top of a new wordrobe !

I am so disappointed ! I thought buying new clothes would be the fun part. I wasn’t expecting to feel stressed about it. My sister tried to convince me that it was the store , not me that was the problem. She may be right , but I still feel hopeless. I don’t know where to start with this new wordrobe thing ! Next time I shop I will take her with me. I still wear “fat goggles” as my husband calls it ! I still see the fat chick who looks like crap in everything she puts on. I didn’t even have the guts to try on the things I found that were so-so.

I did find a bra that fit alright (not perfect, but a bit better) and tried on a few of the tops I have that still fit. They looked ok, but nothing I was excited about. I guess I will see how I feel in the morning.

I think the bottom line is , that I am scared ! I fear wearing my real clothes and not hiding in the scubs. I am afraid that people will judge me. Isn’t that messed up? I worked my butt off to lose (up to todays date 29 lbs. in 2009) weight , and I am proud of it. I am so afraid that it isn’t enough. That I still look fat. I know I should step out of my comfort zone and do it, but I am not sure that I can !

I guess I need to sleep on it . Maybe in the light of a new day I will have gained the courage to just do it……………….and maybe not.

Posted in disappointment, fear, judgement, overwhelmed | 2 Comments »

A Sick Day

Posted by Susan on May 20, 2009

I decided to take a sick day on Monday. I wasn’t really sick though. I never do this , I usually worry that I won’t have the time when I am actually sick if I use it up being not sick, for one thing. Another reason I never do it is because I consider my job part of my activity for the day . I run up and down stairs all day doing just about everything from clerical work to running residents all over the building . I get a lot of exercise in a day.

Monday morning I got up at my regular time , did my usual AM workout and decided I would take a “mental health ” day. I felt like I needed a day at home to regroup and relax . I made a cup of tea and settled in for the day ! I watched some morning TV , had breakfast , and found a Paranormal State marathon on A&E to watch. ( still not sure if I like that show or not , even after about 8 episodes ! )

By around 12:30 I was bored ! I made an important realization . As much as I sometimes don’t feel like going to work , I guess it is better than sitting home . I could see myself getting into a whole lot of trouble being home all day . Usually when I am bored I eat ! I didn’t on Monday , but if I was faced with too many days of it , I think I would. Instead this time I cleaned the downstairs bathroom , but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t tempted !

Keeping busy keeps my mind off the food . Plus as much as I hate to admit it , I missed it ! Not to mention by the end of the night I felt like a slug for not running around at all that day , but still eating the same amount of calories as when I do !

So although being home with a cup of tea on a weekday sounds like heaven , in reality I am better off working a full day with the knowledge that I got in exercise AND a days pay !

Posted in boredom, eating, exercise, sick day | Leave a Comment »

Recipe Review :

Posted by Susan on May 19, 2009

This past Sunday I decided to give spaghetti squash a shot. I baked it in the oven , rind side up, for 40 min. at 375 degrees. Easy enough. Once it is cooked you just take a fork and run it threw the squash stem to stern ! It was not a huge squash , but it made a ton !

I’ve never had it before and wasn’t sure if I would like it or not. In the past I’ve had an aversion to anything vegetable, but in the past few months I’ve been trying different recipes and things to try to get myself aquainted with them.

It was great ! I put some butter spray on it and some fat free parm. cheese , a little bit of garlic powder and it was delicious, filling , and low in calorie ! ( 30 calories , per one cup ).

I had some left over and had it again last night . I dressed it the same as I did on Sunday night , but this time I added some turkey pepperoni and it was even better !

I was afraid the texture would bother me, it is a bit crunchier than actual pasta , but I didn’t mind it at all ! It is pretty tasteless on it’s own, it sort of takes on the flavor of whatever it’s dressed with . I want to try it with a red sauce next time , maybe with some ground turkey added in to make a meat sauce !

I am excited to have found something new . I will definatey having it again ! Maybe even next weekend ! I it is so fiberous I was satisfied all night ! I definately recommend it if you haven’t tried it before . It is simple so simple to make , the hardest part is cutting it in half !

Posted in filling, recipes, spaghetti squash | 2 Comments »

Sunday’ s Hike : Pratt Center

Posted by Susan on May 18, 2009

We like to hike on Sunday mornings , but yesterday was rainy and cold in the morning . I was ready to scrap the hike altogether until next weekend and hit the treadmill . (I was NOT looking forward to that !) But the weather cleared and , although it was still cold out , we decided to go anyway , just not out of town like we had originally planned .

We decided to visit The Pratt Center in New Milford , Connecticut . It is a 193 acre nature preserve and enviormental center. The East Aspetuck River runs through the property. It has mountains and meadows, woods, wetlands , gardens and a farm. There is also a climb up MT. Tom where there is a breath taking view of Litchfield County .

The hike was amazing inspite of the overcast skies . We climbed to the top of MT. Tom first. It was beautiful up there. The sun even came peeked through the clouds a few times . The climb was challenging , but felt great ! (At least to me … Hubby not so much !) It was definately better than a treadmill session !

I have a fascination of these twisty tangles of tree branches . To me , it looks magical , like something out of a fairy tale or something . I take pictures of them whenever I come across them.

These woods were the home and hunting ground of many of the area’s Native Americans , and to us, this tree looks like the profile of a Native American Indian Chief . I am not sure if it really see it in the photo.

I never realized before I started hiking agian how attracted I am to all the natural textures in the woods . I loved this bark for some reason, and half of the photos I took yesterday were of the intricate textures in nature . I guess I am weird…….I just love the whole woods thing . When I was a kid I would spend all day in the woods with the neighborhood kids making forts , or playing hide and seek . Hiking reminds me of childhood.

We ended up hiking 4 miles yesterday and it was awsome in so many ways . For one thing , between all the climbing and all the different terrain , we got an incredible workout ! I am also glad we decided to wait until noon to do and and didn’t scrap the idea all together . I find it a great way to relax and enjoy the outdoors, appreciate nature, and spend quality time with my husband . I find peace when I hike , and I know I say this after eevery hiking post , but I will say it again ! I am so glad I got back into this ! I missed it more than I realized . I love exploring new trails and seeing such beauty that I usually am too busy running around living life to notice !

When we got home we both showered before we got dinner started . We both brought back little souvenirs from The Pratt Center . Matt ended up with a little tic on his leg . When I got out of the shower I found a tic on my arm ! I kind of freaked out (Matt will say I TOTALLY freaked out but that is an exaggeration ! ) Oh well ! Something to be expected I guess !

It was an excellent Sunday for me ! I got in my outdoor workout , and had fun with my husband ! It helped me begin the week refreshed and ready to get back to the old grind !

Posted in extra workouts, hiking, nature, Sunday's | Leave a Comment »

Rainy Sunday

Posted by Susan on May 17, 2009

The cold rainy weather has put a halt on our Sunday hiking plans . The weather has been nuts this spring in Connecticut . They are predicting frost tonight and tomorrow night , then 70’s and 80’s by Thurs. and Fri. We are going to wait until noon and see if things clear up any , if not I am torn between taking a day off from working out ( I haven’t taken one for 2 weeks now ) or doing a some treadmill work and possibly trying a yoga class . ( I have a great collection of yoga videos I never use ) I guess I will see how things go .

My biggest fear is always boredom on Sundays . Boredom is one of my eating triggers. I got all of my work done yesterday because our planned hike for today was going to be a long one, and I didn’t want to be rushing around trying to get everything done . When I am bored , and not active , I start picking at things , I feel “hunger” that is not really there , and I hate that ! It is in my own best interest to stay busy !
I’ve been doing a lot of research on weight loss maintainance . There really isn’t that much out there , unfortunately ! There are millions of weight loss tips and articles , so many it could make you dizzy ! Maintainance ……….. not so much !

I did learn a few things though. Maintaining weight loss , and weight loss are pretty much the same thing ! I still need to keep track of calories , and portions . I still need to workout everyday for an hour ( I knew that anyway ! ) and I need to weigh myself frequently to keep things balenced . I guess what I am realizing is , that this journey is far from over ! It will be just as much work to keep it off as it did to lose it in the first place !
I am begining to accept the fact that this is my reality ! This is my life from now on . I will always need to keep myself in check , and always keep active . Thankfully , I like working out . I like trying new ways to incorporate physical activity into my life .
I also like eating healthier . I am enjoying trying new recipes , trying new veggies, ( I never liked vegetables , but I have been making myself try them , and they are better than I thought ! ) I especially love when I can find a recipe that remakes a junkfood into a healthy option ! I can live like this . I don’t feel deprived when I can exchange a squash frie with a regular french frie !
I am not saying I will never have junkie food again . That would be unrealistic . But I think that if healthy foods are the norm for me ……. a treat now and then won’t hurt me . I am still afraid of restaurants, vacations , family gatherings , and holidays . But I am hoping to plan as best I can , and learn along the way .
Next week should not be too bad . The knowledge that there is a 3 day weekend at the end of it will make it a lot less painful !!!!! Then we work a 4 day week and we are FINALLY in vacation ! Well actually it will be a “stay-cation” ! We are taking off the week of our wedding anniversary. We have a whole bunch of little day trips planned and a special Anniversary Day plan for the actual day . I am sooooooo looking forward to it ! Nice to have things to look ahead to.

I hope everyone has a good week ! Keep focused and active !

Posted in hiking, new week | Leave a Comment »

Another Busy Saturday

Posted by Susan on May 16, 2009

What a day ! I am still doing laundry and it is already 6pm ! We did some errands today since the weather was pretty grey and threatening rain any minute. We ended up going to an Odd Lot’s store and I stocked up on some snacks . I always buy my snacks there because the prices cannot be beat ! Less than hald the super market prices ! I get 100 calorie snacks there for practically nothing ! We go once a month and stock up.

Then we went to Target to get my 8 year old niece Katelynn a new bike . She loves it , but as of yet , does not know how to ride a 2 wheeler , so my husband (saint that he is ) gave lessons for a few hours today !

She’s getting there …….but still needs a few more lessons . Our hope is that we can get her riding , get Matt’s bike fixed up , and get me a bike, so we can do some of the New England Rail Trails this summer . It would be a great way to spend a Saturday. Pack a lunch and spend the day riding ! It’s a good way for us to get a workout in and also to tire out the kid !!!!
When I am finally done with all of my household chores , I will shower , and relax for the night !

Posted in Saturday, shopping | Leave a Comment »

Weekly Weigh In :

Posted by Susan on May 16, 2009

Today is a big day for me . It marks the lowest weight I have been in over 8 years of dieting and working out ! I could not believe the number my eyes were seeing this morning ! I am so happy , but I am also almost in shock ! I guess the extra cardio I’ve added on the weekends is definately paying off . I’ve also added about 100 calories to my diet and that seems to have made the scale start to move again .

I am offically 5lbs away from my goal weight of 140 lbs . I can’t believe that I will be at my goal (hopefully) by summer ! I am completely amazed ! I have wanted this for so long and here it is, 5 small pounds away !!!!!

Here are my stats for this week :

Weight : 145.0 lbs. ( 2.6 lb. Loss !!!! )
Fat % : 31.8 ( 0.7 Loss )
BMI : 21.6 (0.4 Loss )

I am definately feeling motivated ! Off to do my Saturday morning Cardio !!!!

Posted in cardio, upping calories, weigh in, weight loss | 5 Comments »

My very favorite day of the week ………… FRIDAY !

Posted by Susan on May 15, 2009

My favorite day of the week is finally upon me …. and I could not be happier ! It was a busy , hectic day at work , but coming home makes it all disappear ! I love Friday nights . I usually do some chores , take a nice hot shower and relax . tonight I decided to treat myself to a glass of wine out on the deck . It rained this morning here in Connecticut , but by mid-morning it was sunny and beautiful outside .

I have a lot on my “To Do List” this weekend , as always. I plan on working out tomorrow morning , doing the food shopping for the week , and I have a shade garden I need to get planted . Also the usual laundry and housework . I think we are also planning some kind of outing tomorrow to take my niece on if it is nice , but we haven’t decided just what we are doing as of yet .

Tomorrow is also my weekly weigh in . I am not sure why I am always so excited about it . Maybe because I never allow myself near the scale all week . Maybe because I am so close (6 1/2 lbs away ) from my goal weight . I also am going into it knowing that I worked my butt off all week !

The weather report for Sunday is iffy , but we are planning a hike for Sunday at a trail we have never been to , so that is exciting too .

I am looking forward to a night of catching up on blog reading, watching a movie maybe , and just relaxing , with the knowledge that the alarm clock will not be going off at 3am tomorrow morning ! But ……… when I do get up , the first thing I will do is get my cardio session out of the way !!!!!

Happy Friday Everyone !!!!!!!!

Posted in cardio, relaxing, weigh in | 1 Comment »

Information Overload

Posted by Susan on May 14, 2009

Pictured above is a fraction of my exercise and diet book collection . I have TONS of books containing every kind of diet and exercise program imaginable , and I’ve tried my hand at them all at one time or another . I was a true sucker for anything that promised miracle !

I was and still am a member of Spark . It is a great sight don’t get me wrong, but I was always looking for a better way. I would comb through the profiles , looking at people who made tremendous transformations and tried to emulate their programs . I tried to stick to a body builders diet , I did Body for Life , I did South Beach, Atkins, I did weight lifting programs, cardio until my legs felt like they would fall off ! I tried to be a matathoner , a triathete , I bought every protein powder and fat burner on the market. I bought every piece of exercise equipment that was working for other people. I would research every new idea to dealth.

I definately believe there is such a thing as information overload ! Too much info. can be as bad as not enough . All of these programs were good for the individuals who were doing them, but it didn’t mean they were good for me ! I would try something for a few weeks or a few months and move on to the next thing. Never giving myself a chance to reap any benifits . It was crazy and I was getting nowhere….wasting time and money.

Finally I got to the point where I was ready to give up completely. I figured I should just accept myself at the size I was , and stop all the maddness ! Deep down I knew I would never be happy with that though , and I am so glad that I never went that route.

It wasn’t until I decided that it was time to do what worked for me , that I began to see results. I knew I needed to find something I could live with , that I could find satisfaction in, and something that produced resuts. I knew that super restrictive was not something I could sustain for more than a few months at best . I don’t have the money to sink inot all the expensive powders and foods I didn’t even like !

I decided to get back to basics, eating normal food, keeping it as healthy as possible , counting calories, weighing and measuring portions , finding a workout program that I liked that didn’t leave me bored to tears, but wasn’t so difficult that I got frustrated . Once I did all that , everything else fell into place. The weight started to come off , I felt better, I looked better . My mood improved, my attitude did too.

I have stopped searching for that miracle. I’ve stopped trying to do what worked for someone else . I do my own thing, and it is very basic, but it works for me . I guess the bottom line is , you have to do something you can live with, something you enjoy, something that allows you to live a normal life. To enjoy special occasions and holidays, to go out to eat now and then.

I’ve learned more about myself and my body in the past 5 months than I have with all the research , profile reading , and book study I have done in the past 2 years . I know that I am doing something now that I can do forever . I am so glad to be off the merry go round .

I will keep all the books for now . One day I will just get rid of them all ,though. I am not longer on the never ending search . Looking at my rows and rows of books reminds me of how important it is to remember that I am unlike anyone else . My body works like no one elses . And most of all they remind me that the miracle can not be found in a book, it can only be found deep within myself .

Posted in books, diet, exercise, research | Leave a Comment »