All Things In Moderation

…….. and moderation in all things .

First Day Back To Work……..

Posted by Susan on June 8, 2009

Today wasn’t too painful …… but painful enough ! I spend the work week clock watching. I get up, watch the clock while I am working out to make sure I don’t run late, watch the clock when I am getting ready so I have time to eat, watch the clock to make sure I get there on time. When I get home it begins again ! Watching the clock to make sure I get all the chores done, get my shower in, get my dinner, so I can get to bed before 8:00 pm !

Last week I didn’t watch the clock at all ! I had no real ime constraints, so I did what I had to do without any worries about the time ! Oh well, welcome back to reality Sue !!!

Today I needed to get in my extra calories , and it was hard to do at times because I was busier than usual doing all the backed up work I missed last week. One of my co-workers made a comment that I was “eating a lot today”. I should have just brushed it off, but it got me worried about possibly gaining back my weight ! I swear, I am still really paranoid about that possibility. I suppose that is normal, I was really heavy for a really long time ! The thought of ever going back to that place in my life is really scarey to me ! It makes me sweat just to think about it !

In my head I know that with the exercise I am fine , and I am truely not eating that many calories yet ! I’ve only upped them 200 , and that is still on the low side. But I am still insecure about it ! I was fine when I weighed myself this morning, hopefully tomorrows weigh in will help ease my mind.

I know I said this was easier than I thought , and it is in some ways. But my mind still messes with me ! The fear of slipping backward is always there. I am hoping in a few months I will get used to my new body, and I will have a good idea exactly what my limitations are. Until then I am going to keep my extra SS cardio day on Saturdays ( I skipped it last week) just as an insurence policy !

It amazes me how my mind works, how I stress over the dumbest things, and how I still can’t seem to believe that I am going to be able to hold on to this loss long term. Sometimes I just feel like I am hanging on for dear life waiting for it all to slip away. I’ve even had dreams that I wake up in my old body, and none of this ever really happened at all ! I think I am nuts sometimes !

Well, off to bed. Tomorrow is another day !

4 Responses to “First Day Back To Work……..”

  1. Erin said

    Don't let the co-worker's comment get to you! I deal with tons of comments that are seemingly innocuous, but then try to stick in my head all day. I've tried to learn to take them at face value, and leave them alone. I figure that those folks don't know my plan, and they're probably just trying to understand/rationalize what i'm going through.

    You've made tremendous progress, and are so dedicated to your healthy routine! It sounds like you've got a great plan in place!

  2. skinny me! said

    I agree…how cares what she says! I eat sooo much food on this plan…its just the type of food that matters. You are doing sooo amazing! Don't worry!

  3. Tiffany said

    Over the next little while you'll probably have a lot of times where you doubt yourself in terms of are you eating enough or too much, etc. It's all part of the learning curve as you switch from weight loss to maintenance mode. Soon enough you'll be an old pro and you'll know exactly what to do. The fear of gaining weight is normal. Your in new territory. Just make sure you enjoy every minute of it. You've worked so hard.

  4. Syl said

    it's funny how one small negative comment can ruin your day, don't let that remark hinder the great week you are going to have..just keep pushing forward, you have done amazing, don't let that get you down!

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