All Things In Moderation

…….. and moderation in all things .

I had a dream last night…………

Posted by Susan on July 16, 2009


…….. it was so real ! In the dream I was in bed and got up to go to the bathroom . I turned on the light , and looked into the mirror as I passed it to get to the toilet and this is the girl I saw staring back at me (pic. above). I started screaming to my husband ” Matt ! It came back ! It all came back !” I woke up with a huge start ! Sitting bolt up right in bed !

Of course I got up and ran to the bathroom to check just in case the fat did magically reappear, and thankfully it did not ! After I’d reassured myself that it was just a dream (nightmare) I could not fall back to sleep, so at 1:00 am I was sitting on the couch in the living room watching late night TV and doing a lot of thinking.

I have no idea what brought that dream on. I have not been even thinking about the weight coming back. If anything I have more relaxed than ever because I finally feel like I have a handle on this maintenance thing.

If nothing else, it reinforced that fact that I will do whatever it takes to stay the weight I am and not go back to old habits. I think at this point , after getting a taste of what it feels like to finally reach my goal , the differences I see and feel in my body, going backward would be devastating !

I remember all to well how unhappy I was during that time in my life. All kinds of wonderful things were happening to me, but I still had this underlying sadness. The feeling that I let myself down by not caring enough about myself , in letting the weight gain get so out of control. I often felt like even the smallest loss was too little too late.

Of course that was wrong. Small losses add up , and with each loss comes a little more confidence, a little more motivation, and a lot more happiness from within. I guess hind sight is 20/20. It is easier to see this clearly now than it was when I felt so deep in the hole that I thought there was no way out , so I dug it a little deeper.

If nothing else the dream taught me to never forget where I came from. If I go back to 210 lbs. it will be my choice. If I maintain my current weight , it is my choice. I am on control of where I end up.

As I am sure you can imagine, I am exhausted tonight. I am going to bed shortly, and I am sure that girl I hardly recognize will not be visiting me again tonight. I think she was just trying to say good bye. To remind me that she is always waiting in the wings if I choose to want her to come back. I think I will pass on that. I have every intention of letting her go for good !

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3 Responses to “I had a dream last night…………”

  1. Erin said

    Argh! I can imagine how unsettling that would be.

    Good for you for realizing that you control your outcomes and for owning them. I think it's finally starting to sink in for me too!

  2. Tiffany said

    What an unpleasant dream!

    I do have to say though that when I see that picture of you, I barely recognize you. You look like an entirely different person. You look so much healthier, vibrant and happy since turning your life around. 🙂

  3. Syl said

    Susan,
    when I see that picture I see sadness, I see someone stuck in an unhappy body. you have turned your life around and now girlfriend you glow!
    This may be your way of letting go of the past.
    I recently had a dream about my dad, first one since he past, a good friend of mine told me that this may be my way of letting go and finally coming to terms with the whole thing.
    Your dream may to be you letting go of the old you.
    xo
    Syl

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