All Things In Moderation

…….. and moderation in all things .

Full vs Satisfied

Posted by Susan on January 14, 2010

Sometimes I eat when I am not hungry. Sometimes I don’t recognize when my body is tryng to signal that it’s satisfied. Not full, but just had enough. I am thinking it is time to do some reprogramming my brain.

In the past I’ve totally abused my body with food. I would eat until I literally could not take in another bite …… then wait an hour and eat some more. I remember so vividly a time in my life when being full for me meant feeling comforted. As a result of all the food abuse of my past, if I overeat, I end up with horrible acid reflux that literally makes it impossible to lay flat in bed to sleep.

I remember on our honeymoon [it wasn’t really a honeymoon , just a weekend in PA to visit Matt’s grandma who couldn’t travel to the wedding] Matt and I went out for a special celebratory dinner. I had a delicious meal, a seafood Fettuccine Alfredo. I was so good , and so rich! I ate every single bite! [ the portion was gigantic] On top of that I had some rich chocolate dessert. Ugh! Needless to say, I was stuffed …… not full , but STUFFED!

That night I went to bed and felt fine. Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up with the worst heartburn I’ve ever had! I sat up in bed and the acid in my stomach was literally gurgling up my esophagus and into my mouth ![ sorry TMI] It was the most horrible thing I’d ever felt. The acid from my stomach literally burned the inside of my mouth. That experience scared me. What was I doing to myself?

I’d like to say that never happened again, but that would be a lie. I’d gotten to the point where my brain and my stomach were not on the same page. My brain wanted the sensation and the flavors, and the comfort. My stomach on the other hand was not having it! It wanted the same thing as my brain did, just not so much of it!

I have gotten better, but still struggle with the difference between satisfied and full. I can’t seem to recognize the signs of satisfaction. There seems to be a disconnect there because for so many years I just bypassed satisfied craving the feeling of full.

While I was losing weight, the tracking and weighing and measuring my portions helped. What looked like such a small amount of food [a suggested serving size] left me “not hungry” anymore. Not full ….. just not hungry. Was that what satisfied felt like? I think so. I hated it at first. But slowly came around.

No more heartburn, no more reflux, no more bloated, stuffed to the gills feeling. Although this was the way I should have always been eating, it was so foreign to me.

One of the reasons I fast is to remind myself what hunger feels like……because most of the time I don’t know. I know I want to eat, but am I really hungry ???? Most of the time I don’t think so.  When the fasting period is over I am hungry. Really hungry! But the hunger doesn’t kill me, I don’t shrivel up and blow away, the world doesn’t come to an end.

I feel as though I am afraid of being hungry. I’m not sure why I fear it. All I know is , that I avoid that feeling every chance I get and always have. Every time I make through a fast successfully, I prove to myself that hunger is nothing to be afraid of.

I guess what I am trying to do is to find my way a healthy relationship with food. To somehow make peace with it at least. I want to splurge now and then, but not like it is the last time I will ever eat, and not feeling like if I don’t get as much of it now, I may never get another chance! I want to learn the signs that I’ve had enough so I don’t go over board. I want to get to the point where I can eat , and not make it all or nothing!

I am going to keep working at it. I have hopefully not done so much damage to myself that it is irreversible! I really hope that one day eating mindfully, and intuitively comes as second nature. Until them I will keep careful tabs on myself !

Anyway, on to my day. I got up this morning and worked out. I thought that after my day off yesterday it would be tough, but it was no tougher getting up than usual. I didn’t sleep well last night because I couldn’t turn off my head!Here’s what I did today;

  • Fat Burning Circuit w/ Weights (X4)

I had my usual Breakfast Cookie this morning at work. I am not sure I will make these a week ahead of time again. Yesterday’s was a little dry. Today’s was better ………. we’ll see.

For lunch today, I had Vanilla Chobani with a scoop of vanilla protein powder and 3/4 c. of Kashi Heart to Heart Cereal. I also had a Kashi Dark Chocolate Coconut Bar. Definitely filling. It held me until dinner tonight , which I didn’t get to until almost 7 PM!

When I finally got around to dinner, I was grateful that I’d cooked ahead this week , and all I had to do was heat it up! I had a piece of Tilapia and 2 zucchini boats. They were even better tonight than they were on Sunday night when I first made them. The flavors melded a little more and they were awesome!

Sorry about the repetition, but once again, I had my latest dessert addiction yet again! Toasted English Muffin , with a T. of peanut butter and some chocolate chips! Heaven!

I hope I sleep tonight! I have some personal issues going on at the moment and when I lay down to sleep, I am exhausted, but then the thoughts start rolling around in my head like some endless movie, and I find myself awake and the clock glaring at me that it’s already midnight !!!! This happens to me a lot when I’m in the middle of something I have no control over. I wish the problem was something as non-important as work, but it is a family matter, and that makes so much difference.

So off I go to read and clear my head …..I hope !

Later 🙂

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5 Responses to “Full vs Satisfied”

  1. suzanne said

    I’m still learning about the difference between enough and too much! But i must say your blog has been helping a lot 🙂 Thank you

  2. Melissa said

    I think we all struggle with these things from time to time.
    And I will never get tired of looking at your chocolate and PB dessert.

  3. Heidi said

    After years of abuse, I too have damaged my satisfaction button. I often have to ask myself how long it has been since I have eaten to check if it’s been long enough. It’s too easy to just eat again … because. That’s something I’m working on.

    Hope you get some resolution soon to your personal problems. Restless nights are aggrivating. Sleep tight.

  4. Beth said

    I NEVER have stomach upset problems when I eat too much. That’s probably a bad thing, because there is no immediate physical incentive to NOT overeat! I think I have learned the sensation of having had enough vs. being full. Trouble is, I very consciously want to keep eating. I try to reason with myself that I’ll be hungry again soon and then I can eat again. As we all probably know, food tastes the best when we are hungry. I wish I know why I have the compulsion to keep pushing the food in my mouth when it doesn’t even taste good anymore.

  5. I noticed before the Holidays, I was much more content being satisfied and somehow since then I want that stuffed feeling. I dont feel content I have it.

    Trying to change that has been damn near impossible…time I guess?!

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